OK! My dogs are NOT getting this for Christmas!

I follow a blog called Doctor Grumpy in the House. The guy is a Neurologist, and usually posts about the crazy stuff his patients come up with, anonymously of course.
He can be quite funny at times. Occasionally, he goes off on tangents, but still seeks the humor in odd things. Today, he provides a gift guide for dogs.

Before you even click the link, just let's say this gift is R-rated.

So, without further ado, the gift for the dog that has everything .

I warned you!